FAQs

See our introductory section on Domestic Abuse

Additional information can be found in our Resources Section

Additional information can be found in our Resources section- Research Corner

Additional information can be found in our Resources Section

Bad sights, sounds and experiences take many forms. A hit or slap is obvious to see. Abusive words and interactions cause invisible bruises.

The term ‘Domestic Violence’ goes beyond actual physical violence. It can also involve emotional abuse such as the destruction of property, isolation from friends, family and other potential sources of support, threats to others including children; stalking, and control over access to money, personal items, food, transportation, the telephone, internet and social media (HSE Policy on Domestic, Sexual and Gender based Violence, 2010). The Domestic Violence Act 2018 has provided for a new criminal offence of coercive control. This is psychological abuse in an intimate relationship that causes fear of violence, or serious alarm or distress that has a substantial adverse impact on a person’s day-to-day activities (Domestic Violence Act 2018)

Coercive control can often be a starting point in an abusive relationship-often with the use of seduction (more information below), therefore, coercive control needs to be repositioned more centrally when developing awareness around Domestic Abuse and implementation of supportive mechanisms within services. It is important also, to recognise and emphasise that victims of Domestic Abuse are and have experienced trauma(s) induced by domestic violence and its effects. As a result, this directly generates vulnerabilities and trauma responses by the victim. As such, it is paramount agencies operate ‘trauma-informed’ responses into their services deliveries.Safe Ireland. (Ref:Safe Ireland)

In 2023, 85 women and 126 children availed of refuge with Clare Haven Services. The number of calls to Clare Haven Services 24 hour helpline in 2023 were 1133, up from 984 in 2022.

An Garda Síochána also witnessed a 20.8% increase in reports of incidents where a domestic abuse motive was present, receiving 1073 reports in 2023 for the Ennis & Kilrush Districts. There was an 34.5% increase in the reported number of family law orders breaches with Gardaí receiving 113 reports in the Ennis & Kilrush Districts in 2023.

Recognise Signs:
• Person might be afraid of their partner
• There may be talk about the person’s temper, anger or possessiveness
• There may be bruising or injury with the excuse of an accident
• The victim may have history of alcohol use or substance misuse
• They may be accompanied by the partner
• Have erratic attendance at work, college, appointments
• Seem controlled and stopped from seeing family and friends- Coercive Controlling Behaviour

• When offenders meet professionals, they begin the process of grooming us by getting us to like them (see tactics below). They set out to assure us that any information we already have or any conclusions we have drawn are inaccurate and that they know once we have met that we will see things a little more clearly.
• Perpetrators of intimate partner violence do not present themselves as having a problem with violence. Most try to explain their behaviour by blaming causes that are beyond their control.
• When the offender gets a sense that this initial attempt to groom us is not working, he can switch from being polite and respectful to being intimidating and threatening in an instant.
• “Once we have been groomed, we automatically ignore the severity of the abuse. Most dangerously we begin to loose sight of the victim.” (Adapted from Don Hennessey 2004)

https://www.tusla.ie/uploads/content/Domestic_Practice_Guide_on_DSG_bassed_violence.pdf

It is a common misconception that perpetrators just ‘lost control’ when they emotionally or physically abuse their partners. Domestic violence and coercive control behaviour is the exact opposite of losing control. Perpetrators know what they are doing and use their abusive tactics of choice to maintain dominance in the relationship. (Stark, E (2009) Coercive Control – How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life)

The process of grooming can take on two distinct tactics: Non-threatening and/or threatening behaviour. Offenders will use non-threatening behaviour because they want you to:
• Like them, trust them, help them, have sympathy for them, believe them, make an exception for them
• They will be polite and respectful
• They will feel sorry for themselves
• They will present as the victim
• They will feign remorse
• They will deny, minimise
• They will blame the other person
• They will blame something else i.e. drink, drugs, stress

The behaviour may become more threatening with threats to you, your family and your property because:
• They want you to be afraid

The Roscommon Inquiry (HSE 2010) and others, for example the Baby P Inquiry in England, have highlighted how professionals can be groomed by parents in child protection cases. The ‘rule of optimism’ concept suggests that child protection professionals can be unrealistic about parents’ capacity to change. For example, the Roscommon report states that workers were “constantly diverted and deceived by the parents and were unduly optimistic about the parents’ ability and willingness to care adequately for their children”. Such strengths-based approaches are rightfully central to any family work but good supervision is essential in providing proper scrutiny and risk assessment in such cases. The need for good supervision is equally important in work with intimate partner violence perpetrators.

Children respond differently to an adverse experience and their responses can be traumatic. Their resilience and responses to experiencing domestic abuse may vary due to factors such as age, gender and stage of development. Domestic abuse can impact children physically, emotionally, behaviourally, socially and educationally. These can also interchange and interlink.

Physical
Injuries such as bruises or broken bones
Self-harm
Eating difficulties
Sleeping difficulties or nightmares
Bedwetting
Having to leave home, friends, possessions
Emotional
Feeling guilty or that it is their fault
Anger towards the abuser, other parent or
siblings
Introversion, withdrawal
Fear, tension, stress
Emotional confusion
Sadness, depression
Behavioural
Acting out anger, aggression, or becoming passive
Being over-self-disciplined so as not to do the ‘wrong thing’
Being protective, trying to stop the violence
– putting themselves at risk
Trying to protect siblings
Running away from home
Social
Social isolation
Low self-esteem
Difficulty trusting others
Poor social skills
Being bullied
Aggression towards others
May experience difficulties forming and maintaining relationships
Educational
Struggling to focus/concentrate on lessons
Struggle to regulate
Connection seeking
Struggling to develop and maintain friendships
‘Mitching’ from school
Poor school attendance
Not reaching their academic potential or over-achieving

Children and young people who experience domestic violence are more likely to engage in challenging behaviour in school. It is understood that this behaviour is not deliberate, but a reaction borne out of fear, frustration and a hyper alert state. (Buckley et al, 2019)

If a child is in immediate danger contact Gardaí at 112/999 or www.garda.ie

To discuss any child protection concerns you may have, a Duty Social Worker in Clare can be contacted at (065) 6897671 or email claredutysocialwork@tusla.ie.

You can also contact TUSLA Mid-West (Clare, Limerick North Tipperary) Tel: (061) 588688 www.tusla.ie
Additionally, you can download a Child Protection Welfare Report (CPWR) form which can be found on the website www.tusla.ie. Additionally, you can register on the Tusla Portal, create an account and submit online.
You must follow Children First Guidance and report any child protection to Tusla Duty Social Work.

Further support can be found on:

https://www.tusla.ie/services/family-community-support/parenting-24-seven/

https://clarehaven.ie

Victims of Domestic Abuse, including coercive control, are not likely to disclose information about their experience unless directly asked. When a person discloses that he/she has experienced Domestic Abuse this indicates that she trusts and values the professional/person help and advice.
• Acknowledge and understanding that some people will not consider their relationship to be abusive if partner is not being physical – “It’s not abuse, he doesn’t (has never) hit me”
• Believe a person when they disclose
• Do not bombard them with questions or seek too much information too soon
• Do not come across as being accusatory
• Insight and understanding that people living in Direct Provision will face extra layers and concerns if they are in an abusive relationship such as language barriers, fear of authority (Gardaí/agency staff/hotel or centre management) and vulnerability around their applications to stay in the country because it is linked to their abusive partner
• Insight and understanding that women from the Travelling Community could face extra layers and barriers when living in abusive relationships
• An awareness around digital control – that the person might need to change their passwords or reset their phone settings to ensure the perpetrator does not have access to their finances/social media accounts/email/messages/location etc
• Capacity to observe perpetrator manipulation of professionals/service/courts – Perpetrators can weaponise anything, including legal and therapeutic protocols, to serve their own need for control and dominance of any process (Safe Ireland)
• Advise the person that if they are planning to leave their abusive relationship to prepare a Safety Plan (see below). Clarehaven Services provide assistance with Safety Planning to women and this can be offered to the victim
Remember:
• Confidence is key
• Listen and be supportive but not judgemental
• Assure the person that no-one deserves to be abused despite what the perpetrator says
• Remind the person that being violent is against the law. Dedicated Domestic Violence Liaison Sergeants (please see below) are available to engage with victims to advise, support and investigate reports of domestic crime
• Provide accurate local information on services available and how to access them
• Respect their decisions and let them know you are there to support them
• Document the conversation as part of your professional system
• The most dangerous time for a victim of Domestic Abuse is when he/she is just about to leave
• The victim is the best placed to assess their own risk
• You must follow Children First Guidance and report any child protection to Tusla Duty Social Work.

In Ireland, the National Crime Council / ESRI – Domestic abuse of women and men in Ireland: Report on the national study of domestic abuse, Watson, Dorothy; Parsons, Sara 2005, looked at those who have, at some time in their lives, experienced severe abuse in an intimate relationship in Ireland. It focused on how long victims were experiencing abuse before they disclosed / reporting to Gardai – it found that 42% of victims were experiencing abuse for over a year before they reported to anyone.
How soon before someone told?
• Within a month – 34%
• Within a year- 23%
• More than a year – 42%

Who was told? the breakdown for women and men who ever experienced severe abuse.
• Women and men were about equally likely to have told someone about the abuse, with two thirds revealing their experiences to someone
• Most often, a friend (49 per cent) or family member (43 per cent) was told about the behaviour
• Over one in six of those affected confided in a GP, with about one in 20 confiding in a nurse or a hospital doctor
• Just over one respondent in eight told a work colleague
• A little under a quarter of those severely affected by abuse told the Gardaí

Remember, a child may disclose abuse to you as a trusted adult at any time during your work with them. It is important that you are aware and prepared for this.

• Be as calm and natural as possible.
• Remember that you have been approached because you are trusted and possibly liked. Do not panic.
• Be aware that disclosures can be very difficult for the child.
• Remember, the child may initially be testing your reactions and may only fully open up over a period of time.
• Listen to what the child has to say. Give them the time and opportunity to tell as much as they are able and wish to. Validate the child’s emotions around what they have disclosed- ‘it’s not OK that this has happened to you’
• Do not pressurise the child. Allow him or her to disclose at their own pace and in their own language.
• Conceal any signs of disgust, anger or disbelief.
• Accept what the child has to say – false disclosures are very rare.

It is important to differentiate between the person who carried out the abuse and the act of abuse itself. The child quite possibly may love or strongly like the alleged abuser while also disliking what was done to them. It is important therefore to avoid expressing any judgement on, or anger towards, the alleged perpetrator while talking with the child.
It may be necessary to reassure the child that your feelings towards him or her have not been affected in a negative way as a result of what they have disclosed.

When asking questions
Questions should be supportive and for the purpose of clarification only.
Avoid leading questions, such as asking whether a specific person carried out the abuse. Also, avoid asking about intimate details or suggesting that something else may have happened other than what you have been told. Such questions and suggestions could complicate the official investigation. Avoid using domestic abuse loaded language when asking questions like ‘are you being emotionally abused?’ because the child won’t see it in those terms and when they hear domestic abuse loaded language will probably assume it’s not relevant to their experiences.
Confidentiality – Do not promise to keep secrets

At the earliest opportunity, tell the child that:
• You acknowledge that they have come to you because they trust you.
• You will be sharing this information only with people who understand this area and who can help. There are secrets, which are not helpful and should not be kept because they make matters worse. Such secrets hide things that need to be known if people are to be helped and protected from further ongoing hurt. By refusing to make a commitment to secrecy to the child, you do run the risk that they may not tell you everything (or, indeed, anything) there and then. However, it is better to do this than to tell a lie and ruin the child’s confidence in yet another adult. By being honest, it is more likely that the child will return to you at another time.
• Think before you promise anything
• Immediately following any disclosures, you must record in writing any descriptions of what was said, the child’s demeanour as you have observed it

Never ignore a disclosure made by a child. If you are unsure whether or not a disclosure has been made, please contact the Duty Social worker for guidance.

‘By understanding a child’s view, we can nurture positive changes: correct distorted ideas, encourage helpful coping, build good interpersonal skills, and foster management of intense emotions. And we can support parents as they help their children heal and thrive’. (Little Eyes, Little Ears; www.lfcc.on.ca)

If there is immediate danger contact Gardaí at 112/999 or www.garda.ie

To discuss any child protection concerns you may have, a Duty Social Worker in Clare can be contacted on (065) 6897671 or email claredutysocialwork@tusla.ie .

You can also contact TUSLA Mid-West (Clare, Limerick North Tipperary)
Tel: (061) 588688 www.tusla.ie
Additionally, you can download a Child Protection Welfare Report (CPWR) form which can be found on the website www.tusla.ie. Additionally, you can register on the Tusla Portal, create an account and submit online.
You must follow Children First Guidance and report any child protection to Tusla Duty Social Work.

Clare Haven Services is a voluntary organisation committed to promoting the rights of women and children to live and grow in a peaceful non-violent home environment. We offer assistance to those experiencing domestic abuse which inhibits women making their own choices. Our website provides information on the range of confidential Support Services available in Co. Clare to women and children who are experiencing (or experienced) domestic abuse. https://clarehaven.ie/ and https://clarehaven.ie/contact-us/

Further supports can be found:

https://www.tusla.ie/services/family-community-support/parenting-24-seven/

https://clarecare.ie/family-support-service

Yes, Clare Haven Services are the dedicated service providing specific frontline supports to women and children subjected to DVA and CCB in the county of Clare. This includes a Refuge which comprises of six family ensuite units. Women and children are able to access the refuge in the knowledge that their safety is our paramount concern. The refuge provides not only a safe environment, but also one of comfort and support, while giving each women the dignity that she is entitled to.

Each woman coming into the refuge receives one-on-one support. A careplan is drawn up with her to look at her practical needs such as housing, social welfare, schools for children, etc. As well as her practical needs she also receives emotional support from experienced staff. An early years service runs for two sessions every weekday. There are occasional evening and weekend activities for children and young people throughout the year.

Further information can be found here- https://clarehaven.ie/our-services/refuge/

Clare Haven Services is a voluntary organisation committed to promoting the rights of women and children to live and grow in a peaceful non-violent home environment. We offer assistance to those experiencing domestic abuse which inhibits women making their own choices. Our website provides information on the range of confidential Support Services available in Co. Clare to women and children who are experiencing (or experienced) domestic abuse. https://clarehaven.ie/

Each member of An Garda Síochána is trained to be professional, robust, and empathic in their response to domestic abuse and there are times when victims and investigations require a more skilled and expert approach. This is delivered through Divisional Protective Service Units. The vision for the DPSUs is to become a centre of excellence and to ensure best practice in the monitoring and investigation of these serious crime offences. This is achieved by having a victim centred policy at its core. All Garda members have been selected because of their commitment, experience and passion for this field. This unit is tasked with investigations into specific crime including domestic abuse (coercive control), sexual crime, online child exploitation, trafficking, organised prostitution and victim liaison. The contact number for the Clare DPSU is 065 6890132 and the email address is clare.dpsu@garda.ie. An Garda Síochána believes that, coupled with targeted and specific training, each Garda member will be proficient in dealing with the most vulnerable of victims recalling the most harrowing of incidents.

An Garda Síochána in County Clare is dedicated to working with victims of domestic abuse. Anyone who wants to report or discuss an incident of domestic abuse can phone 112/999 or their local Garda Station. In addition, we have a dedicated Victim Liaison Service in Clare and they can be contacted on (065) 6848194.

• Clare Haven Services- https://clarehaven.ie/our-services/training-awareness/
• Haven Horizons- https://havenhorizons.com/research-knowledge-centre/reflecting-and-responding-to-domestic-abuse-and-coercive-control/
• Barnardos- TLC Kidz – https://www.barnardos.ie/our-services/work-with-families/tlc-kidz/
https://www.barnardos.ie/learning-development/training/
• Tusla – Signs of Safety: The link below will allow you to access an External Briefing. This briefing takes about 45minutes. You will need to register (similar to Children First) if not already on the system after you click in. National Approach to Practice in Child Protection and Welfare – A briefing for Key Partners Tusla – Child and Family Agency
Signs of Safety Leaflet for professionals Signs_4595_Signs_and_Saftey_for_Professionals_Leaflet.pdf (tusla.ie)

“Some of the biggest victims of domestic violence are the smallest”
(Behind Closed Doors- UNICEF)

Yes, Children don’t just witness domestic violence, they are not passive bystanders, they see it, they hear it, and they feel it. Living with DVA and CCB is an adverse childhood experience. It is their lived experience and it impacts greatly on how they engage with the world around them. When the abuse is committed by someone the child loves and trusts, the impact is not only short-term (fear, anxiety, sleep, and eating disorders, etc.) but profoundly affects the capacity of the child to grow in a safe and protected environment and build positive and secure attachment bonds.

‘Interpersonal violence, especially violence experienced by children, is the largest single preventable cause of mental illness. What cigarette smoking is to the rest of medicine, early childhood violence is to psychiatry’ (Steven Scharfstein, 2006)

Domestic abuse always has an impact on children. Being exposed to domestic abuse in childhood is child abuse. Children and young people may experience domestic abuse both directly and indirectly.
Children and young people may experience:
• not getting the care and support they need from their parents or carers as a result of the abuse
• hearing the abuse from another room
• seeing someone they care about being injured and/or distressed
• finding damage to their home environment like broken furniture
• being hurt from being caught up in or trying to stop the abuse
• being denied access to parts of their home, such as rooms being locked
• being forced out of or losing their home
(Holt, Buckley and Whelan, 2008; NSPCC 2023).

Young people aged 16 or over can also experience domestic abuse in their own relationships.
Find out more on how to recognise and respond to unhealthy relationships between young people, at https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/safeguarding-child-protection/healthy-and-unhealthy-relationships
and Protecting Children from Domestic Abuse at https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/domestic-abuse#skip-to-content
Building strong brains- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoN-Gbmn7ws
• In more than 40% of cases, children who live with domestic violence abuse are also frequently directly abused, physically or sexually (Tusla, 2015).
• In 2020, there were 5,948 incidents of child abuse disclosed to Women’s Aid (Women’s Aid, 2020).
• In Europe, 73% of women who have experienced physical or sexual violence by a current or a previous partner indicate that their children have become aware of the violence (The European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights, 2014)
• In 2020, 148 women told Women’s Aid that they were abused while pregnant and 28 women suffered a miscarriage because of the abuse (Women’s Aid Annual Impact Report, 2020)
By creating more awareness, it is hoped this will help to reduce children’s anxiety and possible mistrust when dealing with support services, while also helping make sure they don’t ‘slip through the net’ of fragmented services. Children and young people should be supported in recognising and realising that they are not responsible, either for causing the abuse or making the abuse stop. They should also be helped to recognise and realise that the abuse is never justified and is in fact a violation of their human rights. With the correct support most children who are subjected to domestic abuse can recover and heal from their experiences. One of the most important factors that helps children do well after being subjected to domestic abuse is a strong relationship with a caring, nonviolent parent.

Childhood domestic abuse is a criminal offense.

Often children and young people will have identified their own coping strategies or methods to keep safe. These should not be discounted but may need adjustments to ensure their safety. It’s therefore important to take an inventory of a child’s strengths before coming up with a plan.
Things to consider when creating the plan:
• Encourage children or young people to remove themselves from the abusive situation safely.
Questions to consider might include-
• Is there a nextdoor neighbour the child or young person could go to?
• Is there an extended family member they could call to visit?
• If not, is there a place that they feel safe within the home?
• Perhaps there are younger siblings that could go with them?

As adults, we can think that a child might feel safest in their bedroom, however, it is best to discuss this with the child or young person. The safe place needs to feel safe to the child.
An activity where you draw a map of the home with the child might be useful. This activity also helps to discourage the child from choosing dangerous rooms to hide in for example the kitchen.
• Children and young people should never be encouraged to engage or intervene during an abusive incident. This is an extremely important message to convey and can often go against a child’s instinct. With an older child or young person, we can explain our reasoning behind asking them not to intervene.
• If there is shouting and the child or young person wants to distract themselves, is there an activity they like to engage in? The children are the experts here and will often suggest- TV, headphones and music, reading, hurling in the garden etc.
• Children or young people should not be pressured into feeling responsible for keeping themselves, their Mother and/or their siblings or pets safe.
• Discussing ‘safe people’ with the child or young person is a key element of safety planning. Supporting children to ‘break the silence’ and talk to a safe adult about hurting they might be experiencing at home is important. The children may identify their own ‘safe people.’ Mothers may also identify adults that they feel their child could talk to. Safe People should be adults (Over 18) and outside the immediate family or household. For example, it might include a teacher or Aunt. It wouldn’t include an older sibling who lives in the home. Children may choose their own safe people but might be open to being guided to include a teacher or sports coach for example. The safe hands activity is useful when supporting children and young people to identify safe adults. It is important to never promise a child to keep a conversation confidential or secret.
• Where a child has a mobile phone or access to a phone- including this in the safety plan can be useful. Children should be shown how to call 999 in an emergency. What constitutes an emergency should be clearly explained- any time the child thinks that someone has been or there is a risk that someone could be hurt or if the child doesn’t feel safe. It could also be pre-arranged between the Mother and young person that if the young person leaves the home to go for a walk during a verbally abusive incident, the Mother may call when it is ok for the young person to return home.

Reference:https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/myths/

Myth: Domestic abuse is a ‘crime of passion’, a momentary loss of control.
Reality: Domestic abuse is rarely about losing control, but taking control. Abusers rarely act spontaneously when angry. They consciously choose when to abuse their partner: when they are alone, and when there are no witnesses (if there is a witness, then usually they are a child). They have control over whom they abuse.

Myth: He can be a good father even if he abuses his partner – the parents’ relationship doesn’t have to affect the children.
Reality: An estimated 90% of children whose mothers are abused witness the abuse. The effects are traumatic and long-lasting. When a child witnesses domestic abuse, this is child abuse. Between 40% and 70% of these children are also direct victims of the abuse which is happening at home.

Myth: Domestic abuse is a private family matter, and not a social issue.
Reality: Violence and abuse against women and children incur high costs for society: hospital treatment, medication, court proceedings, lawyers’ fees, imprisonment – not to mention the psychological and physical impact on those who suffer it.

Domestic abuse happens every single day all over the world and affects women of all ages, classes, and backgrounds. It is a serious, widespread crime. Despite this, Women’s Aid and other organisations are still campaigning to ensure that survivors’ voices are heard. When society describes domestic abuse as a ‘private family matter’, we minimise, condone, and permit it.

Myth: Men who abuse their partners saw their fathers abuse their mothers.
Reality: Domestic abuse is prevalent throughout society, and because of this many people have grown up living with domestic abuse. Most of these people will never perpetrate domestic abuse in their own relationships, so it is never an excuse – and some of our most passionate supporters are child survivors of domestic abuse.

“We all have the responsibility to decrease stigma by talking about domestic abuse. We should all be able to recognise the subtle signs that a colleague or friend may be in a coercive and controlling relationship.” Pg3031 Hart; Luke

Why don’t they leave and why they stay with an abusive partner?
• A fear that disclosure will jeopardise their safety
• A fear that their children will be removed, as threatened by their partner
• Feelings of shame, stigma, guilt and humiliation
• Beliefs and cultural issues around what constitutes abuse
• Protection for the maintenance of the family unit – Security
• Fear that they won’t be taken seriously
• Belief that the abuse is the victim’s ‘own problem’
• Belief that they are provoking the abusive behaviour – Blame themselves
• Belief that nothing can be done about the abuse
• Reluctance to lose their intimate relationship – They love their partner but not the behaviour
• Persistent hope that the abuse will stop
• Fear of poverty/lack of financial independence – Benefit payments
• Fear of the unknown
• Stigma – Status
• Because they are intimidated
• They hate to think they have made a mistake
• No support due to being isolated – No friends
• Low self-esteem – Insecurity
• Being afraid they have to go back to country they came from – Refugee status
• Nowhere to go
• Don’t want to be alone
• Pressure from family/ friends
• Farming – Family business
• Fear of being killed

Responding to disclosures of intimate partner violence
• Listen
• Communicate belief (‘That must have been very frightening for you’)
• Validate the decision to disclose (‘It must have been difficult for you to talk about this’)
• Emphasise the unacceptability of violence (‘You do not deserve to be treated this way’)
• Emphasise their right to confidentiality
• Document the abuse in the client’s own words

The following questions imply that, somehow, the survivor was to blame for the violence and should not be used:
• Why do you stay with a person like that?
• What could you have done to avoid the situation?
• Why did s/he hit you?
• Why don’t you leave him/her? (DVIRC Professional Training Unit 2007)

The most dangerous time for a female survivor of violence is when she is on the verge of leaving, and for at least six months afterwards. Urging her to leave may precipitate a catastrophic event.
(Adapted from: Responding to Domestic Abuse a Handbook for Health Professionals 2005) https://www.tusla.ie/uploads/content/Domestic_Practice_Guide_on_DSG_bassed_violence.pdf

Adults victimised by intimate partner violence very often stay in abusive relationships, seemingly not allowing intervention by professionals. This can be exhausting, frustrating, and difficult to understand. Though you may feel frustration, you may be the first and only point of contact and it is important to inform the survivor of an ‘open door’ policy in terms of coming to you for help.
• Realise early that a survivor may never leave their abuser.
• Recognise that leaving is a process, not an event; the timeline from the beginning of abuse to the point of leaving may take decades.
• You don’t have to act alone for the survivor; remember that there are specialised intimate partner violence support services that will help you to support them (see Section 3 Refer).
• Get to know as much as you can about how intimate partner violence is being responded to at a local level, e.g. the details of support agencies in the area, so that you can provide accurate information for the survivor.
• Don’t feel you have to know everything there is to know about intimate partner violence. Listening and communicating support and accurate contact details for an external support agency is better than not talking about it at all.
• Workers should be aware of their own safety needs: Perform a safety review for yourself frequently. Should a violent incident occur, perform a staff debriefing session. Violence affects everybody differently.
• Look after yourself: Working with the effects of intimate partner violence professionally can bring to the surface personal issues – particularly if you are experiencing or have experienced abuse yourself. Remember, as well as supervision, it is possible to contact your local HSE employee assistance programme. (Adapted from Kenny & ni Riain 2008)